eleventh of may

Came on because my friend just had to remind me of this. It's been over a year since I've been on this site. Maybe it's because I don't want to think back to such perfect moments. The time when I was stupid enough to think I was the shttest thing on earth I guess. The time when I pushed you way beyond you could stand it, when I should've held on. The time when I had to let go...

I look back and I realised how much I had hurt you. Sorry. The ignorance that I had back then; gone because of that day. Tears wouldn't hold you back. I know it wouldn't. I had pushed it way too much, the only way was to push it all back to me.

But can you really forget it ? Maybe you can. However painful it is to remember, I still find it nice to think back. Maybe because of your endurance. Maybe because of your acting. Whatever.

Do you know how much pain I would feel when you're slightly down ? Did you know how much I wanted to help you ? But all you did was to smile and pretend everything's all good and all. Well that's not the case, even now. I want to be able to be there for you, like you  did all that time. It's not easy to forget. It never easy to remember either, but after those obstacles and rebel times I had, I can't erase those memories.

I used to remember the words of nitee and sweet dreams. I never thought much about it and replied. But I now know how much of an impact it had on me. The calm and comfort it brings to... The other night, I had a nightmare. People say that you will forget what you dream of in the night after 3mins. But guess what, I remembered it all. Why ? You were related to it. I was dying in the nightmare, all I could do was cry and those memories flashed right past me. I was trying to grasp as many as I could, so I would still remember you in the next life. The moment I hung onto strongly was the one from camp. Since it was dark I slipped and I couldn't hear anything. It was at that moment when you caught onto me and I immediately felt warm from the cold night. That's what I wish right now. In this cold night, I would feel warm once again. I remembered it all, it's the only dream/nightmare I can remember.

However I'm trying to cover it up, I guess I really miss it...